add support for self-service opt out

[itstolf]

in particular:

follow:

• (no record) -> PENDING
• OPTED_OUT -> APPROVED

unfollow:

• PENDING -> NONE
• APPROVED -> OPTED_OUT

this also tries to normalize NONE status with record not present

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[codecov[bot]]

Codecov Report

Attention: 19 lines in your changes are missing coverage. Please review.

Comparison is base (30b64b0) 32.26% compared to head (566fcf1) 34.46%.

Additional details and impacted files

@@            Coverage Diff             @@
##             main     #204      +/-   ##
==========================================
+ Coverage   32.26%   34.46%   +2.19%     
==========================================
  Files          18       18              
  Lines        1934     1979      +45     
==========================================
+ Hits          624      682      +58     
+ Misses       1253     1233      -20     
- Partials       57       64       +7     

Files	Coverage Δ
ingester/ingester.go	50.61% <66.66%> (+0.61%)	:arrow_up:
api/moderation.go	10.74% <0.00%> (ø)
ingester/candidate_actor_cache.go	84.53% <80.64%> (-1.83%)	:arrow_down:
ingester/handle_graph_follow.go	65.90% <41.66%> (+65.90%)	:arrow_up:

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