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Reflect Lauren chapter 4 changes

Open loftusa opened this issue 1 year ago • 1 comments

from Lauren:

My edits so far are pretty light. As usual, the blue carats indicate suggested rewriting and the red lines are suggested deletions, plus there are occasional notes with yellow highlighting.

I really like the way you tie everything to coin flips, which makes the models quite easy to grasp and gives it a clear structure. I did find you sometimes belabor this – it’s simple enough that you don’t have to explain in detail every time. Starting in section 4.4, the material becomes much more technical, so it would be good to even this out by moving somewhat more rapidly early on and expanding the explanations a bit from 4.4 onward.

The main thing the chapter is missing is an introduction that says what you’ll cover in this chapter and why – how does it connect to network machine learning and the problems we want to solve with it?

And some of the stylistic points I noted in earlier chapters crop up here as well. Calling the reader “you” still strikes me as insufficiently inclusive. Both you and your readers are engaged in the task of describing and analyzing networks, so why not just say “we”. I admit that sometimes “we” will mean “we the authors” but that’s easy to figure out from the context. Also avoid “above”, “below” etc in favor of exact section numbers.

loftusa avatar Jul 02 '23 13:07 loftusa

This is done. Reassigning to @ebridge2 for review

loftusa avatar Oct 11 '23 15:10 loftusa