Fix race to make BlockBasedTableOptions effectively mutable

[pdillinger]

Summary: WIP

TODO: Setting things through "table_factory" is broken TODO: Deny SetOptions on block cache options (dubious and not yet made safe with shared_ptr handling)

Fixes #10079

Test Plan: added to unit tests and crash test

Ran TSAN blackbox crashtest for hours with options to amplify potential race (see #10079)