chore: address various setuptools deprecations

[kfsone]

This moves various things into 'pyproject.toml' and adds a runbook for doing things with uv - although it does not require uv and does not prevent setuptools from running.

pyproject.toml is now the "correct"/official way to do most of the setup tools stuff, modern tools like uv benefit from it.

The only thing keeping setup.cfg at this point is the 'test' alias, but I would recommend that we consider moving to using tox instead of invoking pytest, and then we should invoke it directly instead of doing python setup.py test.

If we aren't relying on python setup.py test anyplace, we can now remove setup.cfg, but that's beyond the scope of this change.