CQ: Merge lazy/default behavior into a unified mode

[lhoguin]

No longer reduce memory usage as well (except an explicit GC that I am pondering about removing).

Beyond simplifying the implementation, this branch also provides better performance than either default or lazy modes.

See this comment before reviewing/merging: https://github.com/rabbitmq/rabbitmq-server/pull/4522#issuecomment-1241913743

Fixes #2832

[mergify[bot]]

This pull request modifies the erlang.mk build only. If it is a deps update or PROJECT_ENV change, remember to sync any changes to the bazel files.

[lhoguin]

There's a very rare crash that remains and I am still hunting for. Almost all issues are fixed. After that, clean up, and prepare to merge to master.

[lhoguin]

At least some of the test failures are legitimate. It seems this broke something related to mirrored queues. Investigating...

[lhoguin]

OK now that CI is green I am opening this for review. The goal is to have this as part of 3.12 so it would make sense to merge it soon after 3.11 gets released. I will work on updating the CQ documentation, especially considering this removes default/lazy distinction (they can still be configured but they now act the same) and a couple settings no longer do anything (because CQs no longer reduce memory usage).

@mkuratczyk now would be a great time to do a compare of 3.11 against this branch (it was rebased earlier this week).

[lhoguin]

Thanks!